Ego, Alpha, Trust - Nurhan

Nurhan’s take:

Now one of the dog books that I’ve read recently said that a mainstay for a human to raise a well balanced puppy, was to remove your own ego from the equation... Ummm what the dickens is that all about!

After letting it sit in my subconscious for awhile, I now understand and appreciate what the author was trying to communicate.

An adult Newfie, will happily bite a 30 mm bit of fresh wood and it will fall in two bits either side of his soft, retriever jaws, with this in mind, sharp puppy teeth, and increasing pain from ‘play’ biting (that is a normal part of puppy development), somehow I have to regulate this. Now all living things are different, what works for one pup might not work for another. A high pitch ‘yelp’ (like his sibling’s would make), didn’t curtail the problem, then tried a low growl, this didn’t work, then tried a low growl and holding my hand in a ‘bite’ around his neck; not only did this not work, but it escalated to us both growling and both using rather too much force. He wasn’t listening to me, and I wasn’t listening to him... Here is the point about ego... He’s a puppy, he’ll learn what I teach, BUT I have to show him respect, listen to what he’s ‘saying’, adapt my methods to ones that he can figure out, what it is that I’m trying to teach him, until he learns (this process works both ways).

“Arh, yes, but what about being his Alpha!” an indignant voice from the back of the auditorium of the mind blurts out in a ‘how can you be so blind’ tone of voice. The voice goes on further to say, “He MUST obey you! That is his position in life! Then you can both have a good life together!”

Now here’s the crux of the matter. Yes he has to do what I say; sometimes (like cars on a busy road) it is a matter of life and death... no argument can be allowed in this theatre. BUT, if I force the puppy/dog to do something, he doesn’t see me as his ‘Alpha’ he sees this as a physical and mental challenge... sure when the puppy is small I can impose my will physically, but once he becomes an adult he’ll have a mouth like a knife draw, will weigh closer to my weight then most of my girlfriends ever have and will possibly have a grudge on his shoulder.

My point for having a dog is companionship. I don’t want to suppress his character, by imposing my will. I want him to want the same things as me (I’ll qualify that by saying, ‘when we are training’). I need to figure out how to motivate the little chap, so what I want him to do is what he wants to do; this works for humans as well. Think of the ‘typical’ rebellious teenager, tell them to do something, you might as well be talking to the neighbour’s parrot, but get them motivated and then try to hold them back!

You can’t negotiate with a puppy/dog and the puppy/dog will notice any weakness (by dog standards), but being his ‘Alpha’ is about partnership and as in life, finding a common way forward, where you achieve what your intention is and the dog is happy to follow you.

If you get hung up on, “THE ‘BAR-STEWARD’, IS DOING THIS JUST TO IRRITATE ME!!!” He’s not, but he’ll pick up on your energy and he’ll get agitated and then small points escalate... It’s not personal, he just doesn’t understand what you want, and forcing him, just makes him think that you are unstable and damages the trust that you are trying to build. Thus remove the ego, don’t get annoyed, remove yourself from the situation, and go and have a think about things from his side and figure out a different way to present the same idea to your pup.

For the record, instead of trying to ‘discipline’ him (as his mother would do), for the ‘play’ biting. I got up walked away and ignored him (also as his mother would do). Then when he took a flying leap onto my calf muscle, I stepped back towards him, causing him to over balance and fall over... hmmmm that wasn’t part of his game... the leg is supposed to move away... Now puppies tend to sit when they are thinking things through, he sat, then he yawned (puppies {and dogs} yawn when they are frustrated, bored, or trying to figure something out, and of course, like us, when they are tired). Then (I like to think that) he got the message. Once he’d calmed down more, I let him follow me into the kitchen, got some small bits of roast beef. Shut him in the kitchen, hid the beef then ‘we’ searched the living room for these tasty morsels (he got to eat {substantially} more of them then I did). I also control which toys he has to play with and now when playing, eating, and interacting; I wait until he looks into my eyes before doing most things... I like to think that I won that ‘battle’, and we are well on our way to becoming companions.

Now if anyone has any tips how I can entice him into the bath, without destroying all this trust, I’d be pleased to hear it!

And lastly, this post needs a picture of Kin... I’m trying to leave him on his own more and more. After leaving him for forty minutes, on the way back up to the house I passed a woman walking a Golden Retriever puppy towards my house. Parked my car in front of the house, and by this time they were walking by my driveway. I explained that I had a puppy and if they had time it would be good if the two of them could meet in my fenced in garden... Thus now Kin believes that when I go out, I come back with a person and puppy for him to play with! The puppy’s called Alegra and the lady is called Anne-Marthe (YES! I remember to ask the person’s name!!!).